Facebook & Exes

The silver lining in my day filled with minor grievances was an unexpected e-mail from an ex. We briefly dated in late 08/early 09. Over the summer we got back in touch via Facebook (we were still friends on Fbook, but hadn't really kept in touch).

On New Year's Eve I unfriended him because I didn't need the temptation. He has all the right traits, but things just didn't work out. Whenever he's single, the temptation for me is there. I need to close the book on him, but at the same time don't wanna be a bitch. I haven't responded to him just yet...I need to balance honesty with him not thinking that I'm hung up on him.

A Walking Contradiction: What Do I Really Want?

I am a peculiar creature. I often complain/whine about being single and/or never having had much in the way of a significant relationship (always with the disclaimer that I prefer to be single than wasting my time with an asshole). But then there are nights like tonight.

I had two invitations to happy hours. I declined both, ordered Chinese food, poured a glass of wine and finished off my current book (The Testament by John Grisham in case you were curious). Tonight was a wonderful evening! I'm thrilled that I wrapped up an uneventful work week (a pleasant surprise after the pace of the previous month) with a night in.

The chances of having such a night would be slim in a relationship, would it not? If you're dating someone, on a Friday night you either have plans to go out together or plans to stay in together. If you're living with someone, even if you don't have plans, he's there and you don't have the apartment to yourself. (I take immense pleasure in that!)

Why am I one minute sad about still being single in my late 20s and thrilled about it the next? If I were to "shrink" myself, I'd have to say that it's because of comfort and fear plus societal expectations. We're still inundated with messages (not to mention many friends setting the example) that we should be settling down (or at least in serious relationships with settling down potential) by now.

I'm often happy with being single. I answer to no one but me. My life is simple and free from drama.

But I also crave the love and affection that relationships supposedly bring. I don't have someone to hug me and tell me life will be OK when I have a shitty day. I don't have someone to treat me as though I'm the most amazing woman on the planet. Nor is the burden of taking care of the "grown-up" responsibilities lighter - the financial obligations and chores are only divvied up amongst the days and myself.

I'm sure that if anyone reading this is in a long-term relationship - especially married - is probably laughing at my idealism. I'm OK with that. I'm both naive and cynical at the same time. I do know that relationships are tough. One the one hand they require work. On the other, should it really require that much effort?

I clearly want to find a relationship otherwise I wouldn't have spent over a year trying the online dating scene nor would I have shelled out the $$$ for the activities club in an effort to meet people. But then again, if I really wanted to find something, I would have gone to trivia night with more enthusiasm and wouldn't be hoping that the morning's volunteer event gets canceled due to bad weather.

I'm a walking contradiction. I'm naive yet cynical. I'm hopeful yet pessimistic. I crave a relationship yet relish the freedom of single-hood. What do I really want? Who am I in reality?

What did I get into?

So tonight I went to a trivia event as part of this activities club that I joined. While I had fun, I'm still disappointed. Tonight there was a better mix of men and women, but it was still predominantly older people. There was one young there but we didn't get a chance to talk which was disappointing.

While I'm enjoying the events themselves, I don't seem to be making any progress. Ugh!! Talk about buyer's remorse.

Truth in Advertising: Online Dating Site Expels "Fatties"

I don't know about where you live, but this story has been all over the local news tonight. I'm amused by it. Mostly, I'm amused because of the big deal that this has become. What do you expect from a dating site called BeautifulPeople.com?! At least you know what kind of person you'll be dating - not just from the appearance perspective.

Dating site for beautiful people expels 'fatties' after holiday weight gain

By Mallory Simon, CNN

(CNN) -- A dating site that markets itself as an elite community for beautiful people with a "strict ban on ugly people" has axed about 5,000 members for packing on the pounds during the holiday season.

The international site BeautifulPeople.com threw out members after they posted photos "revealing that they have let themselves go," according to a company statement.

"As a business, we mourn the loss of any member, but the fact remains that our members demand the high standard of beauty be upheld," said Robert Hintze, founder of BeautifulPeople.com. "Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept for which BeautifulPeople.com was founded."

The site describes itself as an "elite online club, where every member works the door" -- that is, users can join only after enough members vote them "beautiful" during the 48 hours after their profile is uploaded.

And apparently, enough beautiful people were angry that some members had enjoyed a bit too many treats during the holiday season.

So BeautifulPeople.com sent those flagged members e-mails, according to the company statement, telling them they could register again for the site when the extra pudge was gone.
"We responded to complaints by moving the newly chubby members back to the rating stage. This is the same as having them re-apply," Greg Hodge, managing director of BeautifulPeople.com, said in a statement.

The company said it "expelled" 1,520 users from the U.S., 832 from the U.K., 533 from Canada, 510 from Poland, 425 from Germany, 402 from Italy, 323 from France, 220 from Denmark, 176 from Turkey and 88 people from Russia. In the e-mail, it gave users suggestions for boot camps and workout facilities to get themselves back in shape.

Some gave the site a shot again, hoping fellow users might not see them as the "fatties" others had.

"Their re-applications were reviewed by existing members, and only a few hundred were voted back in. Over 5,000 were rejected," Hodge added.

Hodge admits, and has admitted from the time his company started, that his site may not be fair, but people want to date someone they are attracted to.

"Is it elitist? Yes, it is, because our members want it to be," Hodge said when the company started out in 2005. "Is it lookist? Yes, it is, because our members want it to be. Is it PC? No, it's not, but it's honest."

And on this site, beauty is certainly in the eye of the beholder; only one in five applicants is normally accepted, a company statement said.

Maintaining those standards is what the site is about, Hodge said, and that's why people were expelled.

"Every year we see that some of our members from Western cultures eat and drink to excess over the holidays, and clearly their looks suffer," he said in a statement. "The U.S.A. has been grossly over-indulging since Thanksgiving. It's no wonder that so many members have been expelled from the network. We hope they will be back after shedding the festive pounds."

First Date: So what's your deal?

Hello Internet! So Hollywood (and book authors) brought us He's Just Not That Into You. Today I wondered if he's even out there. So I figured what better title for a blog chronicling my misadventures in dating.

I've taken previous stabs at blogging, but have posted infrequently and as far as I know with no readers. With the start of the new year I hope to turn that around blog regularly. So welcome to our "first date."

Now is the part where I tell you a little bit about me. I'm Jessica and I'm in my late 20s (oh the horror). I won't bore you with the details of my previous misadventures, but suffice it to say that there haven't been many. And none of any significance.

In the summer of 2008 I decided that I had to get my butt off my couch and do some active looking for my special someone. I've met many someones, but not many special ones (though a couple had potential). I'm not a particular fan of online dating.

So, about a month ago I joined an "activities club for single professionals." I won't divulge the group's name here to protect the innocent. I haven't been to many events so I can't rule an opinion on that just yet.

That's me in a nutshell. I hope to entertain you and possibly share some advice that may prove useful in your dating endeavors. I invite you to comment when I make you laugh, piss you off, make you think, or anything else.